another day..

hmm..another day..

end with loneliness ~

narh..tomorrow,

training briefing..wht else?

arg...i wanna go kl meet CHUA!!!!

ARh~~

Geez,

it doesnt feel good,

when ur heart are worry of smtg..

got things to do in this morning..

from 9-12..

i jus finish my lunch..

and i come back to my room..

i gt stuff to do from 3-6,at school,again..

normally i wont come back...

but today,i come back..

cause i scared..

i wanna see my room..

my heart was worry about my stuff at my room..

there are 2 more housemate,

who only care about themselves,

they will always lock inside their room,

and leave the big door open..

indeed,i might worry too much,

but wht to do?

i dun have bunch of good friend here,

my friend all haven com back..

in addition,family member is not here..

the only place,

my heart can be calm is the place whr my family members are..

i admit,i miss them..

but i gotta study here..

arg!!!!sienz ar~stay here..

i nt blame kampar,this place,

but i jus feel bored...and worry

alone

Narh..

bored here..

ntg to do..

whole house only me..

still have around 12 days to school open..

celaka..

why i come back so early-.-?a bit regret already..

alone here,no friend..

have a meeting at 9 tomorrow,

after tat ntg to do,

7,8,9 gt lion dance training,

i wonder is whole day or nt..

11th is the lion dance ceremony,

then empty for one day again..

13th is the campus tour..

see wht time it end,

i might directly go kl..

meet my best friend..

bored to death here..

in addition..

dun dare to go out from the house for too long..

cause the criminal rate is getting higher here..

narh...scared...alone...screw up==

i need friend

learnt new thing

last sem study week,

i spend a bit of my time,

helping my lecture tat taught me at foundation for her mouse dissection session.

well,

this time,we manage to get pregnant mouse,

nt one,

bt around 4..

according to our lecturer,

this is rare,

cause the percentage to get pregnant mouse is low,

get a few pregnant mouse is even lower..

so we assume this should be their season..

however,

pity them,

after they have fun,then they gotta die-.-

since it is quite rare to get a pregnant mouse,

i snap some picture to share with some of my bio friend

erm,

picture below,

for those who cannot tahan,

dun see ya~

the dark chain with dark red colour..

do u see it?small mouse fetus are inside

this is another one..

the small chain is developing..

this is jus started to prepare for pregnancy

this is the fetus dissected~

working,

well..these picture are taken when i work..

see hw big are those houses--,--

nt mine,of course

their toilet!!!

sawmill of a company

still under construction

taken from 4th floor of another house

算了?!

有些人,

在事情遇到失败时,

决定放弃时,

嘴里就会说

"算了吧，然后一连串的碎碎念~~"

但是，

口头上说，算了吧，

心呢？是真的算了吧，完全不在追究，

还是心里依然那："一，二，三"的慢慢在算？

倘若遇到爱情。。

人更是口是心非。。

口头上说可万句“算了吧”

心里依然耿耿于怀，在乎的不得了！

这么说，

可能得罪了很多人，

因为就这把一些人隐瞒的心思说了出来，

但是，我这里先说明，

不是每个人都是如我所说的，

但我相信那些人是少数。。

若我错了，

请告诉我~

公平

我

往往太在乎公平与不公平的平衡点。。

但是，这几天所听到的，所感受到的，

所发生的，所看到的，所接触到的，

都是平常在现实生活中，

不公平的事情。。

冷静下来想一想，

何谓公平与不公平？

若没有不公平，何来的公平？

若不公平不出现，我们会珍惜在我们身边发生的事情么？

对我们公平，对其他人就公平么？

我们的责任，

就是自己在这些不公平的情况下，

活出一个灿烂的自我，不是么？

不公平的事情，在任何事情上都发生的机会，

重点在于人是如何面对这些不公平。。

有些人执著，有些人争取，有些人妥协。。

执著的人，

在面对不公平的事情，

不是自己的能力范围外的事情，

譬如说，爱情，国家，等，

就会很无助。。

甚至导致沮丧，堕落等等的事情发生，

争取的人，

他们不介意去试试看，

若成功，是好事，

若失败，对自己也有个交待。。

但是，在争取的过程中，

也有可能失去朋友，金钱，

等等，

若去争取的人不是深思熟虑后才行动，

就可能伤了很多人。。

妥协的人，

会为了情况试着改变自己，

但是，

妥协的人不一定是因为放弃或接受而妥协，

可能他们顾虑到很多东西。。

为了大局着想而妥协。。

面对公平与不公平，

每个人有不一样的做法，

重点不在于做法，

而是对自己是不是问心无愧就够了～

时间与责任

这是一朋友教导我的。。

她这论点，一针见血的指出我失败的原因，

谢谢她。。

在这里和大家分享下吧。。

在自己还没有交到朋友的时候。。

我们的责任在于家人与自己，

我们的时间，被这两者平分。。

家人50，自己50。。

自己有了朋友，

我们的责任增加了，

为了和朋友有联络，

我们的时间，亦被多一方分了，

给家人，给自己的时间，减少了。。

我们有了女朋友，

自己的时间，被自己，家人，朋友，女友分，

相对的，各个方面的时间更少了，

大家都只剩下25%le ..

结婚后，

有了妻子与工作，

自己的时间被至少7个方面分，

有了孩子后，

更是少。。。。

她告诉我，

“当一个人身负越多责任时，

那个人的时间也开始不够了”(quoted from Ah Jun)，

当然，以上的说法只是theoretically,

别忘了，还有很多方面还没计算下去。。

我之所以少知心朋友，

美女朋友，等等，

是因为我还不够成熟，

不知道如何适当的分配时间，

但是我却不知如何学起~哈哈哈。。

加油吧，自己。。

2009

so..

i should say bye bye to 2009..

close my eyes

try to recall wht i have done in 2009..

and i realize,

i have no memory on 2009...

nvm nvm...

2010 now..

start to make new memories..

hope i can find the gal tat suit me and love each other.

hope can get good result,which i wish since i start schooling,

hope i can get more and more money...legally~

hope all my friend can remember me,

hope my friend can be happy always..

and wish my friends' wish comes true~!

1st of jan

first of a year..

hmm...

a lot of ppl sure celebrate since it is the first day..

my first day of the year..

is quite weird.

i din celebrate much..

and it end up with a lot of speechless

whole night, speechlessly watch ppl play games,

went home,speechlessly face my family member.

dinner,speechlessly eat..

my first day is weird.

but i have make up my mind on smtg.

listen,think,talk,advice...decide?no!

listen,think, talk ,advice but nt decide.

this is my policy.

i listen to friends.

i will use this rule.

i listen to wht they talk.

analyse their problem,

talk wht i think,

advice wht i think is right.

in the end,the conclusion should make by themselves.

i shouldnt interfere wht they decide,

and i shouldnt help them decide..

cause they are the one going to get the result.

advice is only an advice

it may influence the decision

but this isnt the one make the decision..

the particular person will think and decide wht is correct and wrong,

and wht is the correct path way to walk..

i dunno my policy is right or wrong.

tell me if i am wrong.

for me, this is quite a useful and correct rule.

lion dance competiton..

sorry guys..

i tot the lion dance is in the morning or evening..

however,

it seems the lion dance is at nite..

i think i cant go and support u all.

gambatek,..

u guys can do it!!

last day.

this is the last day for 2009

here comes the first day of 2010

i nt really remember wht i have done in 2009.

i nt really plan wht to do in 2010..

this is the last day..

a lot ppl will celebrate,

says

"heres goes 2009.."

for me,this last day doesnt have much meaning to me..

for me,

things happen this few day is more significant to me..

i heard a lot,say a lot,think a lot..

things happen on me ,on others,

all brings a lot of thing towards me..

year 2009.

year 2010.

ppl going to change,

i gotta cope to it,

and accept the changes..

problem is nt really a problem for me,

the problem is how long i take to solve it..

new year,new self..

this wht other self said..

for me,

i jus wanna maintain..

i wanna be the ah black,

whom ppl who know me..

ah black,in 2010.

touch the limit,

break the limit,

burn my soul,

form the flame.

its more than enough..

things happened,

nothing can be changed.

i am glad tat i chatted with u...

the answer u gave me,

is more than enough..

thanks..

i am glad that u tell me the truth..

however,

i am here to clarify,

i hope to be ur friend anyway..

if u really scare of me..

tell me why..

i will try to explain ur doubt..

if u wan me to leave u alone..

tell me,

i will,if tat's wht u wan.

Taboo

This few day,

something happened..

that reminds me a taboo i set few years ago..

i came back from west malaysia,

i saw the taboo..

i go and touch...

cause i think time might be about to break the taboo..

and i end up with pain and aches.

in short.i lost a friend.

taboo?i guess i should touch it..

no1 knows wht exactly will happen.

and no1 will know.

isnt it a good way to solve things,

if i jus leave the taboo there?

when i am alone..

when u r alone,

wht will you be doing then?

for me,

i cannot let myself alone..

for me alone means,

free and nothing to do and no one is around you.

i hate alone,

i hate free.

cause it keep my brain thinking.

thinking something unnecessary.

if i am with friends but i am free,

it will be ok.

cause gt friend to chit chat with..

if i am busy with work only,

it will be ok too..

cause busy keep my brain full,

doesnt leave it have any space to think something unnecessary.

be frank,

i dun have much good friend tat will keep in touch,

my handphone wont have anyone sms me..

pathetic..

for friends tat dun like me,

they will be quite happy to see those line.

since i have few companion,

then i guess i can only make myself busy..

it make me tired,

my tired brain wont think too much..

i dunno how ppl look at me,

i dunno wht ppl think,when they heard "Tan Si Nan"

but i am sure..

not much ppl really understand me,

even me myself dun understand myself.

i am who i am..

i admit..

i am pathetic..

i try to forget it..

but i only think about this,

when i am alone..

i hate..

when i am alone..

tagged=/=

tag

被点到必填，不填代表你不尊重传给你的人和问卷。
(1) 请老实的回答每一个问题
(2) 不行擅自塗改題目
(3) 写完请点10位朋友，不可不点
(4) 点完后请通知那10位朋友他被点了
5)不可点那位点你的人^.^ V被点到的：
1. chua
2. clement
3. ant
4. jia chee
5. xiao bai
6. jay
7. grace
8. chun sian
9. yan qian
10.bong

（我点朋友，不一定是写部落格的）

1.[05号的人脾气怎么样？]任性~~
2. [07号有男/女朋友吗？]她说“不知道”
3. [你对02号的第一印象是...]野狼一只
5. [ 04号最怕什么东西? ]？？麻烦
6. [ 你对09号的第一印象是... ]ying ler 的好朋友
7. [ 01号认识02号吗? ]当然~我们都是兄弟~~
8. [ 那10号认识03号吗? ]知道~但是不熟
09. [ 06号相不相信这世界上有鬼? ]不知道……可能？
10. [ 08号的星座是? ]我不了解星座~
11. [ 你跟03号的关系如何？ ]已经到了普通人理解不了的程度了。。。hiak hiak hiak...
12. [ 05号读哪呢? ]美中 ==
13. [ 你跟07号和09号，哪个比较熟? ]yanqian
14. [ 你对03号最深刻的印象是... ]智力型的男人
15. [ 07号的兴趣是？ ]吃~！！
16. [ 你喜欢和02号聊天吗? ]喜欢~但是2号是个大忙人
17. [ 06号喜欢的人姓什么？ ]忘了～
18. [ 10号是个怎么样的人？ ]这个由大家自己想吧～
19-[ 08号对你而言是？ ]好朋友
20-[ 04号有跟你吵过架吗？]印象中。。没有～
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
1. 是谁传給你这份问卷的: jaz
2. 你们认识多久呢: 还不到一年
3. 有没有对他很想说的但是说不出口话？ 没有吧？
4. 她/他对你来说是... 一个朋友~
5. 你觉得他/她的个性如何 ? 还不是很熟
6. 请问他/她的电话号码最后四个字是？ 你说呢？
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
問 : 对你来说，刚刚被点到的人里哪个最重要？

说了会制造混乱-。-

問 : 对你来说，什么样的求婚方式最特别？

告诉你就不特别了。当然，我有我的一套

’
問 : 一天你要是死了，上帝让你带一样东西上天堂，你会带什么？
悲伤，（悲伤都带上去了，大家不就没悲伤了么？）

問 : 吵架时最讨厌对方...

无理取闹

問 : 如果你找到了阿拉丁神灯但只能许一个愿望，你会想要...

某些事情没发生过。

問 : 你会选择爱你的人，还是你爱的人？

我爱的人，因为爱我的人，若我不爱，却贸贸然去接受她，不是对她不公平么？

問 : 每当窗外下雨时，你会想到...

在世界各地的朋友们，你们好么？

問 : 你会提出什么样分手的理由？=X
什么原因分手，

就说什么原因。

但若是我发现她骗我，

我不会告诉她这是分手的原因，

因为，她想隐瞒我，

不就是不想让我知道么？

問 : 你想在什么年龄结婚？

找到适合的人，适合的时间，适合的地点

問 : 小时候印象最深刻的事是？
大概没什么印象吧。。记忆力不好啦

問 : 你对爱和喜欢有什么不同的看法？？？？？

喜欢会变成爱。喜欢有很多种。但爱未必会变成喜欢

secret

everyone have their own secret.

someone's secret,

we have no right to go and figure it out.

everyone keep secret for their own reason,

for me,there are 3 type of secret,

1st.

secret that will keep it in deepest of heart,

not even best friend will know,

the secret only know by themselves

2nd.

secret that let some specific ppl know a bit..

they are waiting correct ppl to ask at the correct time.

3rd.

secret,that even let ppl know.

but will nt let optehr ppl know further detail of it.

one's might contain all 3 type of secret.

i dunno which secret i have the most..

i have my own secret,

bt on the same time,

i am also the secret keeper for ppl..

i dunno how much ppl believe me,

but i appreciate ppl that believe in me

i dunno why i write this post,

but i jus write it..

mayb too bored stay at home gua..

CHLD

CHLD stand for

Chung hua Lion Dance

i come back at 23th,

24th is their ending session,

i was told to go to watch their 24 season drum performance..

however,i wanna say taht,

this camp is quite a success,

and the season drum performance is marvelous.

Louis,

u done a good job leading them,

jim and ohter AJK,

u all did well for the camp,

forget every conflict happen before,during and after the camp,

cause these conflict are the thing tat make the camp successful,rite?

u all are very successful!!work hard ya!

why?

well,

this post is to a friend,

i am nt scolding or wht..

jus wondering..

when one's propose to another one,

dun care is male propose to female or female propose to male,

it takes a big courage.

even though everyone wish the outcome to be good.

but thing like that doesnt happen everyday...

but after propose,

wht will happen?

in chung hua, the first gal i propose,

end up with no conversation for 2 years,

luckily nw she is ok to talk with me nw,

and she is studying at other place nw..

at least,we can still talk..

2nd gal,which become my first gf,

after we break up, she still can talk to me,

i am glad that i din lost a friend.

she nw studying at other place,

and have a bf also,

i am glad to hear that,

third gal,whom i propose before i go kampar,perak for my further study,

i still try to let her understand that,

i jus wan to be friend back,

i propose last minute,

is due to i wanna let her know,

and i dun wanna myself to regret.

saw her few days ago,

talk to her for few lines,

asking her address so i can post the present i prepared for her to her house,

of course, as a friend.

at the moment i try to get her address,she say no pen and paper,

then i tell her to sent to me through handphone,

actually,i am going her a chance,

i dun wajnna force her..

she really dun wanna sent to me,

then i need to figure it out why,

i din manage to see her online,facebook or even msg.

she din reply me,

her blog become private,i think and move around-.-

sometime i think,

is she really wanna ignore me?

if she still scare tat i will still like her,

then i would jus say,the gal i like nw is nt her dy..

later i will provide further info :p

however,these are jus my thinking lar..\mayb i think too much

to her, i jus wanna say tat..

dun ignore me lar ~,

be friends,k?

even though i wondering will she read my blog..

hahaha..

well,

for the forth gal,

i am nt going to propose yet.

since propose nw will be against my principle,

i wont touch gal with bf,

she gt a bf nw,so let her be with her bf,

no point trying to rebut her with others,

she is nt a thing,but a human,

she gt her own decision,

so jus respect wht she did.

this post is written sincerely from my heart.

hope she will read it,

or hope she will reply my message~~hahahaa